Need her advice and encouragement!

Today I have really been struggling! I have been having a lot of pregnancy sickness, and other fun symptoms. Today I was laying in bed thinking how much a call from my Grandma with her caring voice and words on the other end would help. Sometimes that is just what I needed on a day like today. I went into town for Tyler's game and decided to stop by for a visit and maybe she would be having a good day and just seeing her would help. As my car approached the nursing home the lump in my throat started growing. I think it hit's me every time I see the building that it's not just a bad dream. She is in fact there and not getting any better. I walked in and noticed she wasn't out in the foyer and then the nurse gave me a smile that seemed to say, be strong, she is having a bad day! I walked in and say her frail, body laying on the bed. She was sound asleep! I sat by her holding her hand with tears running down my cheeks! I wanted so much for her to open her eyes and begin to tell me how everything was going to be okay, and what ever else she needed to say for the pain in my heart to feel better. Instead she just lay there taking shallow breathes. Still having the sweetest spirit radiate from her! I feel so blessed to have such an elect lady as my Grandmother! 

I left tonight feeling so much pain in my heart! I don't know how i'm going to live with out her sweet spirit in my life! 

GREAT Grandparents!

This past few weeks has been extremely hard. I guess as a child you never really think about losing your Grandparents or watch them get old. It is harder than I would have ever imagined. Could it be because I have the best Grandparents in the world?? Good chance! 

A week ago I went to see my Grandma at the nursing home and she was a little talkative.  A lot of what she said made any sense. It was clear by the look in her eyes when I walked in the door that she still knew who I was and loved me dearly! After visiting with her for awhile I told her I needed to leave and she got the saddest look on her face and asked, "Why, how could you do that to me?" It broke my heart, so I stayed a moment longer and then gave her another big hug and kiss and started walking for the door. She sat up a little and yelled to me, "Don't forget to say your prayers!" It was great! To know that so much of my sweet Grandmother is gone and yet she still is there enough to remind me to say my prayers. 

Last night I went to feed Grandma dinner and when I walked in to greet her she looked at me with a very blank look for the first time. I said "I love you Grandma" and she just looked at me as if she was wondering who I was? I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to hold back the tears. I said "I'm Jody, your favorite" and she just turned her head. I sat there holding her hands and feeding her dinner feeling a great deal of heart ache. I thought of all our talks we've had, laughs we shared, cookies and bread we've made and just the way she looked at me. I thought, "Oh how much I miss my friend." Here I was holding my best friend's hand and she didn't even know who I was. I know that would hurt her so much if she knew, she has tried for so long to hide her forgetful mind. This time she couldn't do it any more. I think Heavenly Father really knew that I, along with so many others, couldn't bear to lose this special spirit all at once so He has taken her little bits at a time. 

 Today we went to say good bye to Grandpa great. His girls came to move him to Smithfield, Ut. It was so heart breaking to walk in their house and see things being moved out. Kash crawled on Grandpa's lap as he always does and Grandpa sang him a song. Tears just started streaming down my face as I thought that this would be the last time he rocked Kash in his house. I left that day crying. My boys asked, "Mom, why are you crying?" I explained to them that all the times we would go for walks to Grandma and Grandpas house to visit and get spoiled with cookies and pop wouldn't be happening anymore. They didn't really understand but really didn't like the idea of no more soda from Grandpa! My kids have built great relationships with there Great Grandparents and I will be forever grateful for that. I go to visit Grandma and all of my boys are so kind to her. The other day Grandma had dry skin on her lips. Kash kept kissing her and then he would carefully pick the skin off her lips and wipe it on his jeans. Then hug and kiss her again! Such a simple thing but to see a 3 year old care for an elderly person so dearly is so heart warming! 

My Sweet Grandpa Nelson!

Yesterday was a very sad but special day. We had a funeral service for a man who was a hero, best friend, true example, hard worker, sweet, kind and loving! The list could go on about my Grandpa! 

I had so many thoughts in my head this week and I just wanted to share a few...

#1 I have been so blessed with amazing Grandparents! I think I truly have the best, they are such great examples on so many levels. I hope that my husband and I will build a loving relationship such as my Grandma and Grandpa Nelson. I've never questioned how much they adored one another. And the care he gave my Grandmother the past 5 years is as Christlike as possible. There wasn't a time I would go visit without his eyes filling with tears as he would tell me stories of the many wonderful things his sweet wife did. I know she feels the same about him! 

#2 The respect I have for my Grandpa for serving our country in the manner he did and the courage my Grandma had to stay at home with her children while he fought for our Country! The tribute they did at his grave site gave me chills from my head to my toes. I was so proud that was my Grandpa! And to hear my Grandma weeping as they sounded the guns and presented her our nations flag broke my heart. It's moments like these that I will forever hold in my heart! 

#3 I realized how important it is to be a good parent. To see my Dad and his siblings gather around their Mother to comfort her and to mourn the loss of their Father. I couldn't help but think of ways I could slow down and really focus on caring for my boys and teaching them compassion, love and most of all about our Savior and why we are here on this earth today. 

#4 What an amazing Legacy i'm a part of and how proud I am to be a part of it! My Grandpa has 42 Grandchildren and only 9 of them were not attending his funeral. 97 Great grandchildren and only 19 weren't attending. What a site to see all of us gather around for an amazing man! The Grandchildren sang Families Can Be Together Forever. It was a sweet feeling to think of my Grandpa, Aunt Joann, Aunt Terry, Stewart Jr. and Kutter, whom I can't wait to see again! I was day dreaming of the reunion that is already going on in Heaven. I'm so grateful for eternal life and I know I'm going to be with my family again!  

These are just a few of the feelings I've had and I am so grateful for them! 

I will miss my Grandpa so much! I was thinking of when he would come give us rides on his motorcycle and his horse Big Red. I remember when it was my turn I thought I was the most special person in the world! He had a great way of making all his Grandchildren feel as if they were the most important! Just a few weeks before he passed away we had a yard sale at Aunt Louises and Grandma and Grandpa came out to visit for awhile. He was telling us how proud he was of us girls and how smart we were to make an extra dollar! He proceeded to tell one of the yard sale customers how great and smart we were! I'm so glad we had that special moment! I know without a doubt how much he loved me, his wife and his kids! He would always tell me how proud he was of my Father. He would go on with stories of how wonderful he was and I couldn't agree more! 

Love you Grandpa, you are amazing! 

Love, Jody

4th of July weekend!

This 4th of July we had a great time. We wanted to go camping but Hunter was getting baptised on Sat. so we decided to just pull our trailer down to my Dad's camp ground and get the best of both worlds! We roasted hotdogs and mellows. Then we woke up and got ready for the baptism. It was very special! I can't believe Hunter is already at that special age. Grandma Great was even able to come, with a little help from my Mom borrowing the nursing home van to get her there. It was the highlight of the weekend when all the kids loaded up in it to ride with her back to Inkom! 

Grandpa Stew with Kash and Mackie

My niece Kammie and I

Tessa and Kammie getting Grandpa Stew

I don't know which is worse Tyler with his swollen hay fever eye balls or this dead racoon. Both pretty sad looking!

Chance and Kash waiting for the parade. I was in it this year with the scouts and I'm sure I made them proud!!

Tyler trying to look like he is not enjoying the little train ride with Kash. 

Olivia and Mackie

Hannah and Mackie

Kash and Maysi

Mingo Reunion 2011

 This year we went to Raft River, home of my cousin Wendy's parents! It is so fun!!

Maysi, Livi, Easton, Mackie,Tessa, and Kash ready to hit the slide! 

 Grandpa Stew using Kash as a pillow, Kash thought it was the funniest thing!

 Could these two be any cuter! 

 Chance playing in the sand!

 Grady with his favorite Aunt! 

 Chance was very excited about all his candy he scored.

 Kash just wanted his picture taken like his brother.

Sweetness radiates!!!!

Last night Elegant living hosted a BBQ for all the residents and their families. Billy, my boys and I went to party! I don't think Grams knew what was going on but she seemed to enjoy herself. Tyler leaned over to her and said "Grandma am I your favorite?" She replied, "No, I don't think so" The look on Tyler's face was priceless! Chance kept trying to get Grandmas attention to ask if she remembered him and she was doing everything but paying any attention to him. I could see that it was hurting his feelings and I wish I could help him understand that she wasn't doing it on purpose. I know she loves her little Chancee so much! 

Billy and the boys left early to take Ty to football practice and I stayed with Grams, as I sat there feeding her and giving her drinks I couldn't believe how much life is just a full circle. She is like an infant, needing fed, not putting sentences together, and yet still having the most sweet spirit that radiates from her. I was visiting with a kind lady at our table and she was sharing some stories of her mother who also had dementia. She commented how sweet of a Grandmother I had. I thought she was very kind but was thinking to my self if only she could get a glimpse of  her before she was robbed by this horrible disease. She would see someone who is strong, kind, has so much love  for her children, Grandchildren and Great grandchildren, a teacher, counsellor, a baker, seamstress, gardener, visiting teaching advocate, the best story teller ever, and a best friend! These are just a few things I wish she had know about my sweet Grandmother! 

I took Grams back inside and got in front of her with my hands on her soft cheeks and looked in her eyes, I said to her with my eyes filled with tears "Grandma I miss you so much". She just looked at me as if she wanted to say something but couldn't put the words together. I told her I had to go home and she wrapped her arms around me and said in the most heart breaking tone "oh please don't go, what will I ever do after your gone" That pushed the tears right over the edge and I just hugged her thinking the same thing about her! I love the fact that I still have her here to hug and her great listening ears but oh how I miss my Grams!!!! 

A Wet Memorial Weekend 2011

This Memorial weekend we ventured up to Big Springs. It was very rainy, snowy and cold, and yet we still had a wonderful weekend! Dan and Jen came from Lehi and Dan's brother Dave and his family also came. Dave and Norma brought a new addition to their family and I tried literally everything to try to bring little t-bone home with me but they were not budging! 

Our entire family loved this little puppy! He was adorable, Kash just held him like a baby while he sat around the fire. 

 Kylee and Tyler are peas out of the same pod, and what I mean by that is explained in the pictures below!

 "SPECIAL"

 If anyone see's a dog that is identical to this one let me know! Did I mention I love him!!!

 This is how we felt when we didn't get to keep him!

Missing Grams!

 Last weekend we went camping so I didn't see Grams for 3 days! When I went inside the nursing home she was leaning over on the couch onto her pillows. I thought it was a great opportunity to replace the pillows with myself! I sat there for over an hour with her laying in my arms. I told her all the stories of Memorial day camping in the mud and snow while she just mumbled. The nurse finally brought me a Kleenex when she noticed I was once again having a problem with my eyes leaking! I couldn't help but think of all the stories that I have always loved to share with Grandma, I think it was because it didn't matter what it was she always acted as if it was the best one she had ever heard! As I sat there asking her how she was, what she had for lunch, if she was happy,ext.? I finally came to the conclusion the conversation wasn't going to be happening today. So I just held her in my arms while she played with my fingers as if I she were a little baby just discovering them. My mind was thinking of all stories I'm going to have in the future and not going to be able to share. I feel like everyday I go visit her I lose her all over again! I was grateful to be able to sit there with her but oh how I missed my Grandma!!!!

Sally Whatchamacallit!

Yesterday I picked up Grandma and we went to Arctic Circle for a milkshake. As we were pulling out of the parking lot I held her hand and asked if she knew who I was??? She responded very positively "sure, you're Sally whatchamacallit!" I just smiled, inside feeling sad! We drove all around as if it were the first time she was exploring Pocatello. We even went and strolled down Faith lane to check out her old house. She didn't recognize it but said "oh what a nice house I'm sure a nice man lives there!" Then we ventured over to Nelson lane. I figured we both might as well stroll down memory lane! As we were driving a large bird almost hit the wind shield she gasp and I said "did that bird almost hit us?" She said "Oh I thought it was Randy" During the rest of the ride her thoughts went from everything between flowers, sewing and even her sweet little babies! We were just pulling back to her new living quarters and I put my hand on hers and said "Grandma, Grandma, Grandma, I love you so much!" She surprised me my reaching back over to my arm with a big smile and said "Jody, Jody, Jody, I love you so much!" My heart melted and I expressed to her how happy it made me that she remembered me! She said " I could  never forget you!" 

After getting her settled back in I told her I needed to leave. She asked very kindly if I would take her home with me, I told her I would love too but I couldn't! She responded "but there is a party and I want cake" I reassured her that there was no party and if there was I would for sure pick her up and take her to the party! 

It truly hurts my heart to leave her there! I wish I could just bring her home with me. I left yesterday with tears streaming down my face. The nurse asked me if I was okay and I told her I was but that this was very hard for me! She hugged me and told me she would take good care of her!

(This picture is at the luncheon after the temple)

 (This is a camping trip at Island park)

Another "Great" night!!

Tonight was a great night. Casey brought Grams out for dinner and we sure enjoyed her company! It's like her mind is a lottery ball machine that is going full speed and you never know what thoughts are going to come out!

You can still tell a few thoughts that are in that steel trap and some of those include, #1 Me still being her favorite, #2  her unconditional love for her Great Grandchildren, #3 Her love for my Mom and her ginger snap cookies, #4 She had great manners, #5 She still know a good deal when she see's it in the Sunday ads! These are just a few of her thoughts I gathered tonight. 

I don't mean to brag but I also counted how many times she remembered my name tonight and my final count was 12! Pretty impressive I must say! I feel like I have bragging rights due to the fact on Saturday when I went to visit her she didn't know who I was, but she thought Tody (close enough) 

We all just sat around the table tonight enjoying every word Grandma would say whether it made sense or not! It truly made my heart smile to see small glances of her witty personality come through and realize that even though many wonderful things about my Grandma are gone we still have so much of her still here to love!!! I'm thankful for another great night with her!!